Just
Imagine
Just
imagine if we can rethink the ways with which we express ourselves, to have the
discipline to think of the possible repercussions first before just blurting it
all out. Also, what if we can really listen? I am not talking about the mere
process of hearing the sounds of every word but understanding their meanings
and putting it to heart and soul.
That way maybe we will be able to listen and hear others in different way and resolve whatever conflict there may be. All we need to do is to focus ourselves not with evaluations but with raw observation, not with subjective thoughts but with feeling, not with strategies but with needs and ultimately not with demanding but requesting.
That, if you can imagine, paints a beautiful community of people, united and understanding each other. Not perfect because conflicts are inevitable, but issues will be solve in a peaceful manner, without the need of resorting to words and action that will only inflict pain and offense.
With this we will also be able to value the needs of our fellow men, and going the extra mile to give compassionately. This will further lead to a bonded connection between us and our fellow and happiness because we were able to contribute something to another man which we couldn’t have done if we didn’t communicated properly.
That way maybe we will be able to listen and hear others in different way and resolve whatever conflict there may be. All we need to do is to focus ourselves not with evaluations but with raw observation, not with subjective thoughts but with feeling, not with strategies but with needs and ultimately not with demanding but requesting.
That, if you can imagine, paints a beautiful community of people, united and understanding each other. Not perfect because conflicts are inevitable, but issues will be solve in a peaceful manner, without the need of resorting to words and action that will only inflict pain and offense.
With this we will also be able to value the needs of our fellow men, and going the extra mile to give compassionately. This will further lead to a bonded connection between us and our fellow and happiness because we were able to contribute something to another man which we couldn’t have done if we didn’t communicated properly.
This
is related to the process devised by an American psychologist, Marshall
Rosenberg. This process is called NVC or Non-Violent Communication. The process
aims to help people (us) to exchange information by way of communication that
are necessary for the amicable solution of all conflicts and differences.
How this can help?
When we say evaluation, the first thing that comes to mind is labels, generalizations, exaggerations and diminishments. This criterion automatically makes for “peaceful settlement” of disputes impossible, because you cannot expect to be able to communicate your point to the other side and have them accept it if you already branded them, or to simply put it, you already judged them. Whereas, if we’re only going to say or present what we hear and saw and set aside our personal judgment on the things we would like to resolve, forgetting all the evaluative connotations and pursue objectivity of description like recording a perceivable phenomena and presentation instead passing individual perceptions.
And
It is always easy to picture the other side of the negotiating table to be the enemies, it always easy to give one’s opinions which will only reveal his own interest. What if we can only forget our thoughts for some time, and open our senses to the subjective sensations around us. Thoughts can sometimes be miserable, so why don’t we resort to our wonderful feelings while we communicate?
Lastly
Instead of saying, give me that or I want that why don’t say instead “would you be willing to give me some” or “please, give me some”? There is a very huge difference between demanding and requesting, not just in the manner that they are executed but also the outcome they tend to generate. Demanding will need to be said authoritatively and oppressively and is expected to generate mediocre results and ill feelings. On the other hand, requesting will be said in a manner that will inspire community cohesion and agreeable response, it is also generate positive outcomes.
Communication is important, but besides merely communicating and getting yourself understood maybe it is also vital that we also try to hear out and understand others. There is no standard way of communicating your idea but it will also not harm you if you can do that in an approach that will not aggravate the issues or conflicts but will help in its nonviolent resolution.
How this can help?
When we say evaluation, the first thing that comes to mind is labels, generalizations, exaggerations and diminishments. This criterion automatically makes for “peaceful settlement” of disputes impossible, because you cannot expect to be able to communicate your point to the other side and have them accept it if you already branded them, or to simply put it, you already judged them. Whereas, if we’re only going to say or present what we hear and saw and set aside our personal judgment on the things we would like to resolve, forgetting all the evaluative connotations and pursue objectivity of description like recording a perceivable phenomena and presentation instead passing individual perceptions.
And
It is always easy to picture the other side of the negotiating table to be the enemies, it always easy to give one’s opinions which will only reveal his own interest. What if we can only forget our thoughts for some time, and open our senses to the subjective sensations around us. Thoughts can sometimes be miserable, so why don’t we resort to our wonderful feelings while we communicate?
Lastly
Instead of saying, give me that or I want that why don’t say instead “would you be willing to give me some” or “please, give me some”? There is a very huge difference between demanding and requesting, not just in the manner that they are executed but also the outcome they tend to generate. Demanding will need to be said authoritatively and oppressively and is expected to generate mediocre results and ill feelings. On the other hand, requesting will be said in a manner that will inspire community cohesion and agreeable response, it is also generate positive outcomes.
Communication is important, but besides merely communicating and getting yourself understood maybe it is also vital that we also try to hear out and understand others. There is no standard way of communicating your idea but it will also not harm you if you can do that in an approach that will not aggravate the issues or conflicts but will help in its nonviolent resolution.
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