How She Changed

My girlfriend asked me for some help, she's a social worker working for the government. Now, taking up a Master's Degree and they were required to write a public narrative about themselves and their cause.

She's so confident that I will be able to get the facts straight since we've been together for too long now (actually, 7 years and counting). So I drafted this short narrative about her, I hope my words are able to convey what it intends to.

Here it is!

How I changed

Back in 2006, when I started taking up BS Social Work at the Notre Dame of Marbel University I can't say that it was my selfish and chosen field of study. My mother was a frustrated social worker, studied and graduated but did not take the licensure exam because of marriage. Another factor is my peers in high school, before graduation on the fourth year my friends are already talking about these nice sounding college degrees and social work is one of them. I did not want to be left out at that time.

I fear isolation from my friends. That's why I ended up enrolling in a school where they would go too and taking up the nice sounding course with fewer maths. After that it was all indoctrination about the "innate dignity of man". I have studied the history of charity in the Philippines and the world, various life preservation, protection and poverty alleviation and reduction models that I find it hard even today to understand. I was doing well, never had a failing grade and got included in the dean’s list almost every year.

But, there’s this sad realization that despite the good grades and the theoretical astuteness, I still can't feel the passion of helping. At that time I was thinking that it wasn't just in my system and hey! This wasn't my choice, in a sense I was coerced to take this up and whatever the outcome will be I somehow will find a way, pursuing another road than what I was prepared in school to lead.

Then comes graduation and internship, we were designated in a remote area within our province where we are going to stay for three months. At first I struggled, source of water is not safe, there's no internal plumbing and the area itself is prone to violent attacks from anti-government factions notorious for kidnapping and rape. But as the time goes by, being awakened by roosters announcing the slipping of the sun's golden rays on the hillside. Having to fetch water on my own for my own, finding something to eat on my own and having a daily dose of their other difficulties around me, I began to sympathize with them.

I saw the daily hardship but in the midst of all that, I saw resiliency and faith, and they also exude a sense a good nature that ultimately led me to embrace and understand an adage the for so long left me confused more seriously, and that is despite the sad realities of this world, man by nature is good. And after that I don't when and how but the sympathy transcended to empathy and then and only then did I see the need and importance of helping. They already have the inane resources and all they need is a little bit intervention here and there so that they will be able to up lift their condition.

That experience was really an eye opener. When it was time for us to leave, I wept inside not because I will be missing them or the place, not because I survived through my own personal hardship but because I learned a lot. I am thankful and somewhat amazed that a desolate place in the mountain side without even a decent source of electricity and its indigenous but civilized people was able to teach me something I failed to learn in school.

All those things that I was able to gather I used since that day up until this very moment in the performance of my duty as a social worker. That's why today, I may not be the best there is, but I can proudly say that because of that small phase in my life I am able to touch the lives of the person's I met and helped.

The vocation and bow of charity does not need to come naturally, as what I have learned from my case. It can be experienced, and it all depends on your openness by then, all you have to do is look and listen with the sound of the soul and the language of the heart.

Thinking about getting? think HARD!

Men are carefree in general, some say that you should enjoy you bachelorhood because when you get married and finally settled down you will not have the same amount of opportunities to enjoy.

I think that's the most common misconception among men, I hate to think there are some who consider married life to be boring and just plain bland. Well, with that said I just want to give my own on being unmarried and it’s “difference” from being a family man.

I think it is a phase that all men should be able to go through, except of course those with their bows of celibacy (not only the religious ones). I personally am still a bachelor myself, and despite the scary and sometimes exaggerated accounts of my married friends of the so called "realities" of married life, I am still looking forward to the day that I will finally watch the girl of my dreams walk down the aisle and profess my love and devotion in front of the altar.

But hey, I will not be talking about married life altogether since I already said that I am still a bachelor myself. Instead, I will be giving my insights about finding the one and making her stay and when and how to be sure when you yourself are ready to take on marriage.

The shift between a footloose bachelor into a having a proper relationship can be tricky, although some might say that it is, settling down actually depends a lot more on our attitude towards "settling down" itself and less on entertaining the possibility that the girl of our dreams will one day land on our laps.

I am in a stage right now when the old days of imagining about having lots and lots of women to satisfy my carnal pleasures don't appeal to me that way again, and it seems like it is draining down my system and being replaced by a more agreeable concept of a lasting relationship with just one and that one should be the one.

Sadly, my experiences with women does not help me now and it never will I guess, especially in my pursuit in settling down.

I have this list, a list of some of the fallacies about marriage that I know already. Why I know this do you ask? Me and my girlfriend are on our 7th year and counting, somehow I feel like I already gone through the woes of married life.

1. Married life means you can always have someone to chat. There are times in our human existence wherein we crave for someone to talk just to let out all the frustrations, depressions and stress. And some think that the answer is getting married to be able to have an all listening ear on hand whenever we want to berate about the sad realities of life. Well, newsflash, that’s not supposed to be the set up and it will never will, sure from time to time we will be able to have the opportunity of having our love ones listening to our selfish thoughts but most of the time it’s the other way around. It’s like nature, we are made to listen and not the one who will do the taking, if you think you are prone to issue that you want to express well you can bet your luck our partners are more into it than you.

2. Married life means there’s always a hot meal waiting at home for you. There’s this saying which goes something like "a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach" which by all means is true, who would not want a woman who will cook for you and feed you? But nowadays, with what they call the millennial who are more used to the fast paced life as brought about by technological advances, no one really cares more about learning how to cook to be a "good" wife. She is not your mother and you can never expect her to do just that, the new trend is both partners having their own individual life goals and pursuing it individually through their chosen careers, which totally diminishes the possibility of anyone having the time to cook. If you are a traditional guy who thinks women are supposed to be at home doing chores, you need to reevaluate your standards because in the long run its either she will leave you for demanding so much of her time or you would just give because she just wouldn't cook. There’s a new word on the streets, "instant" everything and you got to be able to live with it.

3. I can always retain my private space. Guess what, there this unseen shift in the governing and decision making hierarchy of today’s society, a deviation from the "patriarchal" kind of family affairs process. You will always get your first say on everything but she gets to decide, and with that puffs your "self preservation" view of things which ultimately "violates" your privacy as a person. Your room will be decorated according to her taste, your wardrobe, hell even your food preference.

4. Life will be cheaper when married. Well, she will save a lot that's for sure, as for you, you will be forking out for the majority of expenses and it will not be cheap. Imagine having to buy and pay for two of everything when you are comfortable buying for your own self before, again, its nature at work and norms indeed.

Lastly?

6. Married means "sex on tap". Libido just can't be immortal, during your first few years maybe, but it tends to depreciate and if you are unable to handle or accept it, the relationship just won’t work because it will become an issue. There’s work and when there’s work there stress which will weigh you down on the positions, foreplay and orgasms. You're bound to lose appetite and interest seeing each other naked but your commitment to the one and only love of your life makes for seeing another younger beauty out of the question.

In truth, above than just pure love, what a long lasting relationship requires is understanding of both your differences for you will never ever get to have a woman who will think and look at things the way that you do, so sacrifices are inevitable but more for you as you are the one who's supposed to make adjustments more and complain less.

I hope this helps.

LETTER OF TRIUMPH

Letter of Triumph

Dear my fellow ALL,

The “Kalusugan mo, Sagot ko” feeding program as sponsored by the Citra Mina Group of Companies celebrated its third monthsary last September 11, 2016.

The said feeding program targeted all the malnourished children of Brgy. Fatima, General Santos City, Philippines as reported by the Barangay Local Government Unit and is being facilitated by company. Some of you could be wondering what is this program and how it is going or if it is still ongoing. We have been feeding ONE HUNDRED SIXTY FOUR children for the last three months already, from July 11, 2016 to September 30, 2016, or Sixty days to be specific, because we ONLY do our feeding during weekdays, and we will continue to feed them until December 9, 2016.

Others would be shocked and say that that is such a big help, while others might contradict and say it’s too small. Well, in view of enlightening you with the current status of our Corporate Social Responsibility initiative, I would like you to meet some of our fortunate beneficiaries.

Joy Labang

Joy Labang, 11 months old and the youngest of the four children of Mr. Teodoro Labang and Mrs. Arlyn Labang. Joy’s family is very poor they don’t even have their own land to build their own home, they are informal settler and their home is a makeshift of different kind of materials which makes it very susceptible to occupational hazards. Mr. Labang, Joy’s father works as a tricycle driver before, but since the ban of the city government on colorum tricycles, he’s basically just staying at home, doing some odd jobs here and there just to making just a few peso. The situation became so much worse when Mr. Labang contracted some sort of infected lesion on his right foot which hinders him to walk and work normally. Wife, Mrs. Labang is tasked with taking care of their children the whole day every day.

Because of the “Kalusugan mo, Sagot ko” feeding program, Joy now has a stable source of food every weekday, and she’s not the only one who benefits from the program because even her other siblings also frequent the feeding program venue and the BHW’s and BNS’ also give them some of the food. Before the program started Joy weighed in at 7 kilos and 59 centimeters in height but the most recent profiling shows that her weight and height already increased, now she’s at 9 kilos and 69 centimeters in height.

Jenelyn Empleyo

Another example is Jenelyn Empleyo, 4 years old and the fifth daughter of Mr. Agapito Empleyo and Mrs. Jenefer Empleyo. When I arrived at their home, informally built beside the concrete fence of the Mindanao State University (MSU), I honestly felt like crying, I had seen Jenelyn a few times already and her face was already registered in my memory as the joyful and smiling girl but I never really thought that this is her real situation. I don’t know where she is getting the courage to still smile, maybe because of her young age and innocence.

Mr. Empleyo works as a laborer in a local bread and pastry shop, his salary is not enough to sustain the daily needs of his family while Mrs. Empleyo does some laundry for their neighbors in exchange for a small fee to augment the family needs. Because of the “Kalusugan mo, Sagot ko” program Jenelyn can now eat before going to school even if her parents don’t have money to buy their food, from her previous weight of 11 kilos and height of 92 centimeters, she is now at 13 kilos and 95 centimeters consecutively.

That’s what our company’s simple initiative brought to these angels. Their health and well beings improved, despite the sad realities of their family life because of our little help.

Chris John Silada

But if you’re still not convinced, here is Chris John Siladan, already 4 years old and the son of Mr. Christopher and Mrs. Dina Jane Siladan. His father is a construction worker and his mother takes care of him and his other siblings. Life is hard and food is scarce because of the family’s small income.

Before, Chris John used to be a frail kid who is always sick, but because of the “Kalusugan mo, Sagot Ko” feeding program he is now close to the ideal weight and height for kids his age. From the previous 12 kilos and 91 centimeters, he’s now at 13 kilos and 97 centimeters.

The Barangay Nutrition Scholars (BNS) and Barangay Health Workers (BHW) in the area together with the Committee Chairman on Health and Sanitation of the Barangay Local Government Unit, during my interviews and random chats with them concur that the program initiated by the company really helped the beneficiaries who are among the poorest of the poor in their community. They also said that they are the same beneficiaries of the developmental policies of the barangay and also of the city government. That’s why with the additional help coming from the feeding program to their children, there will really be hope for these unfortunate families and their lives will be alleviated.

The chart above shows the ideal height and weight for childrens aged 0 to 5 years old, It can also be seen that our featured beneficiaries Princess Joy, Jenelyn and Chris John do not yet meet the ideal body mass for their respective age. But it can also be noted that they made some significant progress and it is almost certain that the ideals on the chart will be achieved by the end of this program. This positive change is uniform to almost all of the 164 beneficiaries, it is not proper to call them malnourished anymore because their health, resistance and their overall well being are improved as manifested by the increase in their weights and heights. So, I am just proud to be part of this, it has only been three challenging but fruitful months and there are three more to come. Despite this being too early and the uncertainties of the coming months, I can proudly and honestly say from the depths of my heart and the capacity of my understanding that we have triumphed already, our cause is half won.

I would also like to grab this opportunity to express gratitude to all the support groups, the BNS’ and BHW’s, although they might not be able to read this, for taking the time to cooperate with us by helping in the actual preparation of the food of the beneficiaries and for accompanying me everyday of the profiling and individual abode visitations. The Barangay Local Government Unit of Brgy. Fatima, for giving us the opportunity to help their poor constituents and in augmenting in the process of the program implementation. To my co-workers, for the sacrifice because we have to set aside some of our employee development programs, just to give way for “Kalusugan mo, Sagot ko”. To our company drivers and the Motor Pool Staff who helped in the transportation of the team during the purchasing, delivery and distribution of the feeding program supplies, the whole Sanitation Crew for their support in providing the firewood needed to cook the food for the beneficiaries and lastly to teammates Ms. Queenileen Arindaeng and Mr. Abdul Rahman Minalang for the extra amount of effort that helped for the success of this program.

I, would like to thank all these people for their unwavering support and trust that made the past three months of this intervention so much easier.

The amount of money allocated for the implementation of this social alleviation program is nothing compared to the joy it gives the company to be able to help and touch those poor but beautiful lives. The organization will be remembered, we will all be remembered, and we are lucky to become part of their lives.

We all became part of something BIG and POSITIVE!

You all deserve much bigger than a simple THANK YOU,

JHOMARIE B. MADRES

Non-Violent Communication

Just Imagine

Just imagine if we can rethink the ways with which we express ourselves, to have the discipline to think of the possible repercussions first before just blurting it all out. Also, what if we can really listen? I am not talking about the mere process of hearing the sounds of every word but understanding their meanings and putting it to heart and soul.

That way maybe we will be able to listen and hear others in different way and resolve whatever conflict there may be. All we need to do is to focus ourselves not with evaluations but with raw observation, not with subjective thoughts but with feeling, not with strategies but with needs and ultimately not with demanding but requesting.

That, if you can imagine, paints a beautiful community of people, united and understanding each other. Not perfect because conflicts are inevitable, but issues will be solve in a peaceful manner, without the need of resorting to words and action that will only inflict pain and offense.

With this we will also be able to value the needs of our fellow men, and going the extra mile to give compassionately. This will further lead to a bonded connection between us and our fellow and happiness because we were able to contribute something to another man which we couldn’t have done if we didn’t communicated properly.

This is related to the process devised by an American psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg. This process is called NVC or Non-Violent Communication. The process aims to help people (us) to exchange information by way of communication that are necessary for the amicable solution of all conflicts and differences.

How this can help?

When we say evaluation, the first thing that comes to mind is labels, generalizations, exaggerations and diminishments. This criterion automatically makes for “peaceful settlement” of disputes impossible, because you cannot expect to be able to communicate your point to the other side and have them accept it if you already branded them, or to simply put it, you already judged them. Whereas, if we’re only going to say or present what we hear and saw and set aside our personal judgment on the things we would like to resolve, forgetting all the evaluative connotations and pursue objectivity of description like recording a perceivable phenomena and presentation instead passing individual perceptions.

And

It is always easy to picture the other side of the negotiating table to be the enemies, it always easy to give one’s opinions which will only reveal his own interest. What if we can only forget our thoughts for some time, and open our senses to the subjective sensations around us. Thoughts can sometimes be miserable, so why don’t we resort to our wonderful feelings while we communicate?

Lastly

Instead of saying, give me that or I want that why don’t say instead “would you be willing to give me some” or “please, give me some”? There is a very huge difference between demanding and requesting, not just in the manner that they are executed but also the outcome they tend to generate. Demanding will need to be said authoritatively and oppressively and is expected to generate mediocre results and ill feelings. On the other hand, requesting will be said in a manner that will inspire community cohesion and agreeable response, it is also generate positive outcomes.

Communication is important, but besides merely communicating and getting yourself understood maybe it is also vital that we also try to hear out and understand others. There is no standard way of communicating your idea but it will also not harm you if you can do that in an approach that will not aggravate the issues or conflicts but will help in its nonviolent resolution.